What are you running from?

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When I was about to embark on my second international trip -- in less than a year -- during another break when most students went back home, a childhood friend of mine asked me, "what are you running from, Michelle?"

I never looked at travel that way...as "running from something." I always saw it as running TO something. But I guess part of his statement was true. I was running from a lot, I just didn't know that's what I was doing at the time. And by running, I mean hopping on flights, taking trains, boats, taxis, tuk-tuks, my own two feet -- you name it. I wanted to go far, far from home.

I felt a strange connection to the unknown, to wrapping myself inside the blanket of another culture. Something foreign. Something unfamiliar. I needed so badly to not be me. To get outside of my own skin. And traveling did that for me. It made me feel alive. It gave me another compass with which to see. And it still does.

Enter the real world. AKA life after college.

My work lifestyle (and wallet) could no longer afford the international trips. So somewhere along the way... this running took on its physical, literal meaning. I looked down at my feet to carry me to new places. Experience my surroundings. Go farther. Push past the boundaries. Running far was pretty new to me, and therefore, exciting.

I was never an endurance athlete in school. Growing up, I played soft ball, I danced, and finally I found my sport of choice: tennis. In college, I went to the gym and took kick boxing classes. But again, never anything endurance related. The one thread throughout? Running. I ran around the Washington memorials all the time, but never much more than 5 miles, I don't think. Then again, I never tracked my runs back then. I did it for the freedom and exploration. No metrics necessary.

I ran my first 5k my senior year of college to raise money for cancer research, but I didn't decide to go any further at the time. I was doing a lot - writing my thesis, interning at CNN, taking a full class load, getting Scuba certified, dating, trying to enjoy my last year in college. And I didn't think much of racing again.

I got a job in Atlanta at CNN, and I started focusing on becoming the next Christiane Amanpour. How Rory Gilmore of me. I thought that's what I was passionate about: War zones. Conflict. Border disputes. Nuclear terror. That excited me. I wanted to report on it. I wanted to be in the thick of it. I wanted to run into the madness and uncover the real story.

Then, something changed. I realized I didn't have that desire anymore. I didn't want to run towards danger zones. It wasn't a dream that woke me in the morning to chase.

I started reassessing what it was I wanted out of life. I still loved news, and documentaries, and international relations. And writing, and producing, and traveling. But I wasn't completely fulfilled in life. As I stated in an earlier post, I got into triathlon as a way to find something to make my overnight shift life feel more normal. A triathlon...to be "normal" - yeah I don't know what I was thinking. There's nothing normal about triathlon, which is probably why I was attracted to it.

Little did I know, this small triathlon would become a huge part of my life. It would become MY normal. It would become the thing I woke up thinking about. And the thing I went to bed dreaming about. Still is. Every. Damn. Day.

Suddenly, I was running again. Further, faster, longer, and this time - with a purpose. Running for a certain pace, distance, time, race. All preparing me for something larger. Running, both TO something, and also AWAY... away from the girl I was yesterday, and the day before that. Running TO a stronger, happier, healthier girl. One with courage, confidence, and class.

If you don't run your life, life will run over you.

I feel more in charge than ever. I am running my own life. I'm no longer running from it.

In summation: Running has given me a purpose again. It's the human form of flying. For that second that both feet are off the ground, before one strikes the pavement again, I'm leaving the Earth, I'm free from gravity, I'm moving towards a better me.